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"When I discover who I am, I'll be free."

Ralph Ellison

Am I living or just existing?

19/7/2016

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Hello, there.

It's been a while since I posted in this blog. A couple of weeks ago I got a comment from a lovely reader asking me when I was going to post next because they really liked the way I expressed myself. So here it is. Enjoy.

So, lately I've been feeling really low. I feel like I've lost my track. I don't really know what to do or where to go or how to feel. I'm just here. Occupying a space.

I've had a lot of ideas about what to do next. I even came up with a really cool idea for a photography project, but I can't find the motivation to actually do it. Now I'm even struggling with getting out of bed. I used to be a morning person: up by 7am, with a to-do list at the ready. Now I'm opening my eyes at 9am and I just lay there wishing I could stay in bed all day, but I know I can't do that.

What's happening to me?

I feel as if there was a hole right in the middle of my body. I don't know why. I mean, I've gotten better. My life has gotten better. I have a girlfriend now, and she loves me like no one else has, and I love her to infinity and beyond.

Anyways, I'm getting a bit desperate. Time is flying by and I'm just wasting it. I haven't replied the letters I received from my penpals a couple of months ago, I haven't wrote anything in my journal, I haven't finished a book in months, I'm not doing anything with my life. I'm not living. I'm just existing. Just drifting from place to place as time keeps passing.

But I want to change this. I really do. I want to set myself some goals and actually achieve them, or at least try. I want to find the motivation to get out of bed everyday. I want to live.

Any advice is very much welcomed.

Until next time,

- SAM
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    About Me

    Hello, I'm Sam and I'm 20 years old.
    In this blog, I'll share with you my journey through my self-recovery from depression and anxiety.

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