A couple of days ago, I believe I hit rock bottom with my depression by telling my mom that I knew I wasn't going to grow old and that I knew I wasn't going to live much longer... Later that night, I cried to both of my parents while I asked them: "Why can't I be normal? Why can't I enjoy things?"
It wasn't my intention to worry them... I just wanted to know why.
Luckily, they didn't judge me, nor did they punish me. Instead, they began to talk to me about their lives when they were young. They gave me some advice. They told me to say "yes" more, and "no" less. They told me that I was the only one in charge of my future, in charge of who I am so, that if I really wanted to be happy, I needed to give life a try.
This past Sunday, there was a Family Day in my village and my parents asked me to go with them. At first I said no (as usual); they insisted; I asked "And what am I supposed to do there?" (which is my excuse for everything); my dad said firmly: "You make the choice. You see how you cry for not being normal. You said you wanted to change, now it's the time to do it."; so I ended up going... There was not much to do, but I had a good time.
I know that was not much, but it was something. I think it was a good start.
Now I'm planning on going to a Halloween costume party... That would be my first time going to a party since 2008 (when I was 12). I know, I know, September hasn't even ended and I'm already planning to go to something that is a month away... That's just how I am. I need to be mentally ready for the event.
Side Note: I might go as Cosima :D
Until next time,