I've just started reading All The Bright Places, and I can surely say that how depression feels like has been expressed correctly in this book.
As a person who also suffers from depression (and social anxiety), I wasn't sure about whether or not I should read the book. I thought: "If my bad thoughts are stronger than ever right now,why should I risk the only thread of sanity that I've left by reading this book?"... I began to read the book anyway...
I went into this book with my guard very high, and I'm constantly remembering myself that this is just a book and that the words I'm reading are somebody else's, not my own. But I can't help but to agree with every thought and feeling Finch has, not Violet. I've noticed that I'm more like Finch.
Now, I've heard that the means of recovery, therapists, and medications were awfully portrayed... Well... I know that this book should have had a message of hope for us, and that these means of recovery should have been portrayed in a good way as to make them look more appealing to us but... What teens think about these methods are actually what the characters showed. At least it was like that for me.
My dislike towards therapists began when I was 12, and being treated for anorexia. My parents forced me to go to the therapist because they said I was sick for not wanting to eat and for throwing up (you could say they were worried). This problem began because I was being bullied very hard at school.
Luckily, I recovered from that, from anorexia. And I recovered by myself, by my own means. The therapist had nothing to do with it. The therapist would only make me angry because she pretended that she understood (when she clearly didn't... she only studied the topic, she never suffered from it), she made me tell her everything just so she could later tell my parents about it, and then they would tell me off for having such "stupid" thoughts.
I'm not being treated by a therapist now. I haven't even been diagnosed with depression and anxiety by one, but there's no need to, because I know what I have. And I know that these awful thoughts are not proper of a normal, happy person. And, about the medication... If I take them, who am I going to be then? I'm so used to having my mind always full with these thoughts, what would I do without them? How would I feel? What can I think of?
Anyway, back on the main topic: I began reading All The Bright Places, and I know it is probably a mistake, but I'm willing to use this book to rebuild myself instead of letting it shatter me. As soon as I started the book, I created this anonymous blog to share my Journey through my self-recovery. I'm going to use the book and its contents for my own good.
I am willing to change, and I am going to change. As I read something that should be putting me to sleep forever, I'm going to make it turn me stronger and more awake that I have ever been. That's why, in honor of the book, I've titled my blog "My Bright Places."
I'm going to recover.
Until next time,